Congratulations Stephanie! We LOVE you!!
Tomorrow is a special day for one of the most special people I’ve had the privilege of getting to know in here. I wrote a long time ago about the magic of a Pure Heartfelt Connection and that’s truer than ever. And sharing that and feeling that with Stephanie has been one of the best things of all in IMVU. I’ve had the privilege and honor of sharing all of the emotion and excitement of an amazing real life fairytale love. And tomorrow she marries her real life prince charming.
I love her more than words can say, so I’ve collected several hundred pictures and a few videos to try and capture some of that love. No word or pictures could ever repay the love and happiness I’ve felt with her but I hope this gives you an idea. And Stephanie I’ll laugh and cry with you always. You’ll be awesome and like I’ve always said, You have AMAZING things ahead. This is just the beginning and even though I can’t be there with you physically, I want you to know I’m sooo there in spirit, happy dancing right beside you, and whispering in your ear. Ik hou van jou Stephanie
Here’s the link to download in HD
https://imvutips.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/stephanie-congratulations-and-we-love-you.wmv
Everyone is having more fun than me
There was a stabbing and shooting spree recently in Santa Barbara California, where the perpetrator blamed everyone else having more fun (and sex) than him and it made me think about IMVU. In some ways I wish he had gone on here, but even here I think we all feel kind of like this sometimes, like everyone else is having way more fun than me. We compare our down points to other people’s high points and don’t see the parts in between. We don’t see how real life, timing and technical issues gets in the way for other people too.
You probably look at my website and my pictures and assume that it’s ALWAYS like that. I don’t show pictures or talk about how life gets in the way sometimes, but it does. I don’t know when someone is coming home so I don’t do much and then kick myself afterwards when they’re gone all afternoon.
Someone wrote a comment today that it’s all just sex! Sometimes I wish that were true. I 
can’t tell you how many times I’ve declined invites saying I’m already talking to someone and they probably assume that it’s something sexy, and it’s not.
At the same time though the UP times wouldn’t be as high up if we didn’t have “in between” things and times. The realness of the relationships also requires a lot of other types of connecting but that makes the passion even more powerful. Don’t seek out drama and issues but don’t avoid them either. Share all of the ups and downs and it will be even more exciting in the end.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one that sometimes doesn’t end up getting all the excitement you were hoping for. It happens sometimes to all of us, and you have to be able to roll with it a little bit. Sometimes people have to leave quickly or have technical issues and you can’t get too frustrated at it. Murphy’s Law, and Life both happen in here too.
I can’t act this way in real life
A lot of the benefit here stems from the anonymity. It frees you to do or be anything you want to, and to be more aggressive more sexy more bad more exciting more of whatever you want. We all need or crave that freedom in some ways.
We do the right thing in life, we try to be respectable and we care about what other people think of us. We have to live with our choices in real life. In here you can experiment and be much crazier and freer than you ever would be in real life.
It’s not that we are hiding things about who we are really, we all just want to control who we are and our life a little bit more or do things a little bit differently in here. Nobody shows everything exactly as real life in here. You don’t have to and aren’t expected to 100%. But on the other hand don’t go so far that you lose credibility by having to make bigger and bigger stories.
You need enough reality to be able to relate and connect with your life here and to stay consistent. Over time people will see little things about you that lineup and make sense and make them more comfortable and feel closer, or they’ll see things that make them leery and nervous and pull back a little.
These are real people, and even more importantly these are your friends, and you have to remember and respect that. Don’t do anything to them that you wouldn’t want someone to do to you.
Don’t let the anonymity and excuse to abuse your friends. If you value your friendships, don’t make bigger and bigger stories or more and more crazy things. Sometimes lies or stories or exaggerations tend to grow and grow. It may seem exciting and fun at first but you are literally hurting the most important thing you have in here. That’s your credibility, the faith people have in you, and your relationships. That’s all you really have here, so don’t trade that for an exciting story that fizzles.
It’s great when it feels real, but just because it’s not real doesn’t mean you feel it any less. 
These are real people and if you stay on track things will get better and better and better, but if you start to get off track and out of balance you will crash very painfully too.
Things grow more quickly but are more fragile in imvu than real life too. It’s not meant to last like real life is. It’s got more of the live fast and die young experience and attitude. Think of it like a movie. The closer you stay to reality, and what you know, the more believable it will be and the stronger and more lasting it will be.
Slutified in Imvu
A lot of things in here are very similar to how they are in real life but a few things are very different. One big difference is the morality. It took a while to understand this. I’m very conservative in real life and my first inclination was to be the same way in here.
What I learned over time though is that in here being physical is very different. Sure it doesn’t have the physical consequences as real life contact. But it’s more than that. I guess it’s partially because its not real, partially because that’s part of the spirit and purpose of the place, but its essentially the currency and way you interact and communicate in here.
In real life it’s bad to be looked at as a slut but in here being called a slut is almost a good thing kind of saying someone is open and loving and fun to be with. It’s not a derogatory term at all in here. That’s why I’m proud say I’ve been “SLUTIFIED!”
Poly-Amorism in IMVU
Poly-Amorism means loving many. In our real lives everything works better and last longer and goes smoother when you have just one great love. But wait, that’s not true either. We all have lots of relationships and people that love us and we love in real life too. Some of them are mothers and sisters and relatives, coworkers or friends from church or your neighborhood… the list goes on. The key thing that you have to realize is that since you’re not actually having physical contact the consequences and seriousness of it aren’t the same in here and that’s part of the environment here more so than real life.
This is one of the major differences though with IMVU. First of all you don’t have the physical downside of multiple relationships. In real life it creates a health hazard and puts everyone at risk not to mention pregnancy, but here that isn’t a factor. Secondly, it’s geared towards anonymity and privacy so it’s very easy to see someone privately and confidentially, and to meet sexy strangers very easily too.
Those are both some of the reasons why multiple relationships here is not bad, but that doesn’t explain exactly why it’s so good and so prevalent here either. I think the very nature of this place is that it’s ultimately not real and isn’t designed to be a lifetime situation. It’s kind of like living in match.com or going to an adult Disney World and limiting yourself to just one ride.
Unlike real life where the goal is usually to build a long term if not lifetime relationship and commitment, in here people come here for the journey or for the moment, to feel that once in a life time magical passion of new love over and over again. This is their fantasy and many people’s idea of a fantasy is not necessarily a single monogamous thing. Don’t get me wrong, some people definitely do that but given different schedules and life situations, unlike real life, monogamy seems to go against the grain of IMVU.
It’s not you, and it’s important to realize that your actions here do not translate into real life attitudes. Enjoy the magic of IMVU and enjoy the powerful passion that seems to fill this fantasy world.
Is this wrong or bad?
A girl who’s boyfriend is on imvu posted a comment and was upset, and concerned that this was the equivalent to cheating and wrong. I struggled with this more than my share and wanted to highlight her concerns discuss it. So I asked her to write it out and I’d post it and talk about it. There’s no one answer, but I hope that this can be a healthy and helpful discussion. So here’s Natalie.
Everything I read from psychologists, marital councelors, and advice columns…. Really any input that does not come from an imvu user, classifies this as emotional cheating. Most say it is often more damaging than physical cheating. At the very least, it is suggested that this be discussed before a relationship starts, boundaries are set, and no one sneaks or hides anything. But everything I read from the imvu world is the exact opposite.
And in every case, if you are giving time and affection to person B, it can only come from the time and affection that could be used to improve and build with person A. No one, that has not signed up for a polyamorous relationship, wants to share the one they love. And no one, in any relationship deserves to be lied to, or told half truths.
He actually told me he hid this for so long bc he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose what we had. But what about me? He knew I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He knew I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a liar. He knew I would not be happy in a relationship where I had to share him. But he took the power of choice from me by pretending everything was as I wanted it to be. He manipulated me into loving him by being someone different to me than he really was.
So now, 6 years in. I still love him and can’t imagine myself without him. But I also don’t want to live this way. I’m torn between staying and being unhappy or leaving and being unhappy. So that’s why I ask how your hubby wakes up every morning, broken heRted and prepared to be hurt again by the one he loves most.
And not to be all attacky, but can you honestly say this is anything other than pure selfishness?
Read the full post for my thoughts and please add your own to this one! (more…)
Kait’s on a Diet for the Holidays
As I get ready for Thanksgiving I know we’re all real busy with the holidays, but I also have to apologize. My time has already been getting shorter and shorter for the past month or two but I’ll be extremely busy with some pretty big work things in real life for the next month. I’ve kind of dreaded and avoided the reality of the things coming up in real life for several months because I knew IMVU would have to go or suffer for a while. So I’m apologizing ahead of time.
Hopefully by or a little after Christmas things will get a little easier. But in the mean time it’s not you, it’s me! I’ve already kind of slowed down on my posting for the past couple months. I’ll try to continue to do some here or there but this is one of the things I’ve had to adjust. I’ll still try to be on most nights for a while but that’s mostly with family, because even if I have to play a lot less, I can’t live without my friends and family. I may end up getting on later and having to head to bed at a more reasonable time. I wanted to tell you because if you don’t see me around as much and when I am, I’m not available as much, it’s honestly not because I don’t want to talk with you, but unfortunately I probably can’t. I wanted to say it here so you knew it wasn’t just something I was telling you.
Do NOT worry about me though, because I’m definitely NOT going anywhere. I love my life and friends here but sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and real life sometimes does get in the way. We all have seasons and things change, but Imvu is flexible and it’s never been better for me.
Real-life is first but…
Just because we always say real life first, that doesn’t mean that this can’t be just as good or better in some ways. That is a difficult thing to admit sometimes but it is true.
I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. We went to a farm and got pumpkins rode a horse and did the hay maze. Kids are good and make you stay focused to some degree. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual. 
It’s not hard to believe I guess that a fantasy could be fun or addictive. It can be literally anything you want, and you do have to keep real life first but this can be absolutely amazing and so much fun!
Real-Life is first but…
Just because we always say real life first, that doesn’t mean that this can’t be just as good or better in some ways. That is a difficult thing to admit sometimes but it is true.
I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This place isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real, that it can mess you up. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual, or when it falls apart because it can be just as real and intense on the negative side when you mess up too.
Virtual Family vs Real Life Family
I was thinking a lot about family here and in real life while I was away recently. We don’t have a choice who our real life family is. Your real-life family is important because you only get one and you know you can count on your family. There’s something very lasting and important about that.
Your virtual family kind of feels similar in terms of importance in its own way, but is much more of a choice. It’s literally family by choice. You become a family when your friendship grows to that point that there’s no other way to describe it. I tend to be able to share more heartfelt emotional things with my virtual family.
Real family is important for your real life and your virtual family is just as important to your virtual life. They are both special. Real life family is special because its permanent. Virtual family is special because its by choice.
I tend to be able to share a lot with family in here but I also try to be more careful in some ways with them too. There are reasons why we don’t mess around in your real family just like there are in here. I Love my virtual family in a very pure kind of way.
Is IMVU MORE real than real life?
You can be ANYTHING, with no facade, no rules, no judgement. It’s not more physical, but the emotions can certainly be stronger than real life. It definitely lets the real you out more than real life.
I guess it depends on your definition of “Real.” If you mean the “outer” you or the surface you, then no, it’s not more of that. But if you believe there is something more inside you, then this is the way to let it out. In here, you can be different, you can be totally unique!
Yes, you need a real life, of course, we all do. But I bet if you really got in and looked around and let yourself go a little bit in here, you would find that you need this too. Or that some of this can help at least fill in the gaps a little and add to the whole you.
It’s also nice to be able to let other people in more, then we do in regular every day life. Whether it’s just for passion, or you build relationships or you just have fun or amazing friends or the family you wished you had, you can find it here. Let the real you out! Let other people in and you just might find that it is real.
The Anthony Weiner affair wasn’t just Virtual
I listen to the discussions on the radio here in NY about Anthony’s Weiner new scandal and they’re debating if a virtual encounter is the same thing as a real life one. I know they don’t actually care, they just want to get people talking and stir things up. But Weiner’s affair clearly wasn’t just virtual. It crossed over into real life. It isn’t actually the virtual part that they talk about either it’s the real life part. It’s texting and pictures and phone calls.
Sending pictures texting and phone calls are things that you do in a real-life relationship. They aren’t things that you do in a virtual relationship. They also require sharing your true identity. A virtual relationship is different because you don’t share your identity. That gives you more freedom And allows you to stay focused on things inside that you don’t see on the surface.
If you have a virtual relationship and you start to share things outside of that virtual relationship, such as pictures and phone calls, then it is no longer just a virtual relationship and has crossed the line and is becoming a “real” relationship. To me, that’s when it crosses the line from a virtual relationship which isn’t hurting your real life into a real relationship and becomes cheating.
If Anthony Weiner’s relationship was really just a virtual relationship and he hadn’t sent pictures or texted or phone calls then he wouldn’t be in this situation he’s in right now. So to me, it becomes a serious problem when you cross over. The moral of the story is, be very careful about crossing over into real life because you don’t want to end up turning into a Wiener
Kaitlyn's IMVU Tips 